Popo's Mission From God
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: Popo goes on a special mission from "God" in order to save... his bread. From the evils of Satin, the most sinister of clothing. Can he make it? Will the world be saved? Will I stop asking you these stupid questions? Does Lady Palutena fart? An epic tail that you will surely never forget!
1. God Walks In, What Do You Do?

Popo, everyone's favorite young, blue robed Ice Climber, who was also recently removed, was snoring loudly as he was in class. Crazy Hand slammed the desk as Popo screamed girlishly, his white skin turning quite pale.

"Popo! Do you remember what I just taught?" Crazy Hand stated as he moved his fingertips about.

Popo shook his head as he gulped. "Uh... how can there be monks if humans are monkeys?"

"THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DORITO POPE!" Crazy Hand exclaimed angrily as he snapped up a bottle of Mountain Dew, splashing it all over Popo. "F! For **_FAIRY GOD PARENTS!_**"

Popo wet himself in fright as he watched Crazy Hand have a seizure right in front of him, the hand acting exactly like Mr. Crocker. Suddenly, the door opened, and in front of it was 'God', who was wearing the Robotic Operating Buddy on his body and having bread on his face where his beard would usually be.

"Crappy Ham, you're going too HELL!" 'God' exclaimed as he pointed at Crazy Hand.

Crazy Hand shook himself as he scoffed. "No, because you're not real!"

"Neither are you, lol." 'God' stated as he began stroking Crazy Hand.

Popo gawked in disbelief as he squinted his eyes, with Crazy Hand then pulling off the R.O.B. and bread from 'God', revealing the divine figure of DKVine to actually be...

"**Stafy!?**" Popo exclaimed as he squealed joyfully, letting out a cute little poot in shock.

Stafy chuckled as he nodded, pointing at himself. "Yes, and now I'm gonna do what I should have done a long time ago!" He then began singing 'Walking Contradiction' by Green Day.

"NO! KEN PENDERS! MY ONE WEAKNESS!" Crazy Hand exclaimed as he curled himself into a ball, exploding into confetti.

Popo and Stafy blinked as they turned to each other, with Stafy coughing.

"Anyway, right." Stafy stated as he placed back on his 'God' costume, although his regular face remained. "I need you to rescue my toast. The evil clothing, Satin, has somehow came to life, and is acting like a big fat meanie!"

"But how can clothing be evil?" Popo admitted as he rubbed his hands on his blue parka. "Clothes are awesome!"

"Well not for me. That's why I wear this Robotic Operation Buddy all over me when I cosplay as God." Stafy explained as he noticed Popo scratching his butt. "Are you even listening?"

"Nah." Popo stated as he then pulled Donkey Kong's Coconut Gun out of his ass, pointing it at Stafy and shooting coconuts, which fired in spurts. And it hit Stafy right in the eyes, so it's gotta hurt.

"I'm gonna be bigger, faster, and stronger too!" Popo stated as he saluted in front of the American flag, with the Star Spangled Banner playing in the background. "And I'm going to be the only member of the Nintendo of America crew! HUH!"

And thus began Popo's mission from 'God', to stop the Cowardly Lion from become the king... _of the FOREST!_

...

...

With a _woof_, and a _ruff_, and a royal growl... _wuff._


	2. Stupid, Sexy Popo

Popo was on the porch of the Super Smash Brothers Mansion as he had his arms wrapped around the back of his head, sighing as he looked up, shaking his head. "Well, if I'm gonna save Stafy's... I mean, 'God's' bread from Satin... I better do it with style!"

Popo began running down the dirt paved road as he stopped, rubbing the back of his head with his left hand as he blinked.

"Wait a minute... what the hell am I doing?" Popo commented as he squinted his eyes.

**TAKE TWO**

Popo was back in his room inside the mansion as he was was trying to see what clothes to put on, as he was still in his blue parka. He then took his blue parka as he was absolutely naked.

And Popo had no underwear on. _Oh my..._

"I know you're in here, Palutena." Popo growled as he covered his privates with his giant mallet. "Get out of my bathroom!"

Lady Palutena frowned as she tilted her head out of the bathroom. "Oh poo, but I like being creepy. Plus, I needed to see how cute I would look in your parkas!"

"OUT! _NOW!_" Popo exclaimed as he chucked his mallet at Palutena's head, knocking the green haired goddess out.

Nana slammed the door open as she panted, hearing Popo's scream. "Bro, what happened!?" Nana exclaimed as she glanced down at the unconscious Palutena, then looked up to see the naked Popo, blushing as her eyes widened. "Oh... uh..."

Popo lowered his arms as he revealed his entire naked body to Nana. "I, uh, forgot to, uh, um, get some, clothes, yeah, clothes." He stuttered, speaking like Jeff Goldblum.

Nana blushed as she held her hands together, moving her right foot around. "W-well, you should put some on."

"That's right! And I shall!" Popo stated as he grabbed Palutena's clothing and ran out of the room, going to the laundry room in the mansion's basement as he grabbed all of the clothes in the room, coming right back up to the hallway, standing in front of Nana as the male Eskimo was wearing Samus' blue zero suit, with Nana dropping her jaw and mallet in disbelief as her eyes widened.

"I... uh... ah..." Nana stammered as she began waving her right hand frantically in front of her face, feeling a bit excited from Popo's arousing appearance.

"Does this make my butt look big?" Popo asked as he placed his hands on his butt, wiggling it as Nana fainted from the sight of it.

Pit whistled as he walked by Popo, noticing the zero suit on him as his eyes widened, feeling a bit tighter as he held his hands down on his clothing, with Popo spotting him.

"What? You never seen a cute, young boy with a big, fat butt before?" Popo remarked as he lowered his eyes, squeezing his butt cheeks as he raised his eyebrows in a subtle way.

Pit blushed as he shook his head, replying as he felt nervous, "But... I'm a cute boy with a big butt, too..." He then headed down the hallway as Popo shrugged, proceeding to head down the hallway as he tripped on his face, groaning as he let out a big sigh.

"This day just keeps getting better," Popo sarcastically remarked, with several of the females walking by and complimenting on how cute Popo looked, specifically eying his big butt.

"It's so squishy!" Pichu admitted as she grabbed Popo's butt cheeks and rubbed her face in them, with the other girls gasping as Popo felt incredibly awkward, with Pikachu walking by and laughing his head off as he pointed at the embarrassed Eskimo boy.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Stafy was trying to keep up his facade as 'God' as he was in Dr. Mario's lab, watching the place for the doctor as he grumbled, shaking his head.<p>

"Damn it, what is taking Popo so long to avenge my bread?" Stafy remarked as he glared up at the ceiling. "I don't want to have to go to Falco and ask for some more... he'll impale me with a Landmaster just like last time..."


	3. Pikmin In The Pac Maze

"All right!" Popo exclaimed as he placed his hands on his hips, standing in the middle of the Pac Maze. "It's time for me to save the fucking world!"  
>Popo then took one step forward, tripping as he landed flat on his stomach. He groaned in pain as he squinted his eyes, glancing up to see several Pikmin laughing at him.<p>

"Oh, shut up, morons! You leafy guys are tiny grass creatures!" Popo stated as he then began smashing them with his wooden mallet.

The Pikmin all screamed as they were squashed to death by Popo, who laughed evilly as the eight bit Pac Man ghosts watched in dismay, all of them glancing at each other.

"By the power of lord Santa, I shall banish you to Subspace!" Popo stated as he paused, placing his right hand on his chin. "Wait... that sounds like something a liberal would say..."

It was then that a huge earthquake shook the entire stage, Popo turning around and screaming in high pitched, girly tone as he wet himself, with a huge rolling ball of Pikmin approaching him and flattening him like a pancake.

"Popo, no!" Shulk exclaimed as he witnessed Popo being rolled over and over like a pancake. "Not my ice buddy!"

"He's not your ice buddy, guy," The female Wii Fit Trainer remarked as she folded her arms together, shaking her head at Shulk.

Meanwhile, Popo was flattened into nothing but dust as the Pikmin all popped out of the ball, pointing and laughing at the grinded male Ice Climber. Popo's spirit then emerged out of the dust pile, only to be sucked into a strange, purple hole in the middle of the sage, screaming as he tried to fly out, but failed.

_Popo has been sent to the underworld. Specifically, the one from Kid Icarus Uprising. Yeah._


End file.
